Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Who was I Supposed to Be?

Inspired by a post over at Contagion's place, I thought I would look over my life thus far and see if it turned out the way I had thought well, no, it hasn't, not exactly anyway. When I was a youngun, I knew I wanted to be a lawyer, I knew I wanted to graduate from an Ivy League University and I knew I wanted to be a judge someday. Despite advice to the contrary by supposed teachers and counselors (a subject for a post another day), I have done all of that (except the judge part, that's still in my future). That was it, however. I didn't think I would be married, if at all, until well-after thirty. I also envisioned that if I ever did marry, I would marry a fellow graduate of an Ivy League, or a senator, lawyer, judge, doctor or some other fancy profession. I didn't envision children at least not until well-after thirty. I thought I'd live in a big house I built and drive a fancy car. I envisioned money, lots of money, and I envisioned I would live thousands of miles from my parents. That of course changed when I met my Better Half. I was married at the age of 20. I never do anything half-way. Better Half is not educated in the college-sense. But wisdom and intelligence -- Better Half has a command of those in spades. Better Half is not in a fancy profession, in some circles Chef is fancy, but not in our case, no fancy schools or family money for my Better Half nope! Better Half is also a volunteer at the local fire department. A hero for many if you ask me -- Definately so when you factor in my inherent ability to be difficult in nearly every situation ;). I didn't build my own home, but I have 13 1/2 acres of country on which I live so it is almost as good. Oh and it is only 40 minutes from the folks. I don't drive a "fancy car" we have an SUV and an F350 full-sized Powerstroke Truck, that's fancy in these parts! Oh and money? Never heard of it. I never, in a million years, imagined that my Better Half and I would take in a wayward 16 year old high-school drop-out and counsel him to take his GED and lead a better life away from drugs and inappropriate relationships. I never would have dreamed that our love and support would take that young man to the Navy and mold him into a fine person inside and out. He was my baby cousin before we took him in, he is my baby brother now! And children? My son was born in 2003 and was the greatest achievement of my life. I am not sure that it can ever be topped (accept with more children). I told the Better Half that my life started on the day the boy was born. Anything I may have wanted or thought I wanted prior to that, poof, gone. He is foremost in my thoughts and what I do now I do with a thought toward his future. I am still a lawyer, I still work god-forsaken hours, I still strive to be a judge oneday and hope that God gives me the wisdom to look at all the important information before rendering a decision (unlike Judge Greer and his ilk!) and I hope that becomming a judge will open yet other avenues for my son. When I look to the future now, I see vacations and outings with my family, I see toy-strewn rooms, candy covered faces, and smiles. It is interesting, but I really don't care much what the future holds as long as it keeps my family together. I see our young charge coming home from the Navy a clean cut, well balanced and happy young man. My son sure misses him. All is good. We have our share of ups and downs but we weather it together because we are a family. Without them my dreams would be shattered. With their love and support, I can do anything. Heck, I'd live in a tree-house if it meant spending extra time with them all. I guess my dreams changed when I changed. I don't look back and say, gee, I shoulda done this or that. I look forward and say, "I can't wait to do this or that with them!" and in ten years I will say the same!

posted at basil's lunch and the Beltway Traffic Jam

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